Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
