I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
