Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
