I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
3pm strippers are depressing
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
