I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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