She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
