So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
