I wish my penis had an off switch
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize