there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
