you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
