I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
