Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
