What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
