What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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