What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
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