Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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