If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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