I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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