theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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