My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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