i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
