He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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