She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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