I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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