I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
