My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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