Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
