the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
