Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
