if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
