I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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