I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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