Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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