And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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