I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
