maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
