she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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