it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
