It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
