No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Welp...herpes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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