There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
