somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
