Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
