dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
