Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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