fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
