I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
