SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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