The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
