i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
