I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
