She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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