i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
