I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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