he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
