the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
