I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
