Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
