you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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