I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
