Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Two words: nipple clamps
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