fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So many bounce houses so little time
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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