I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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