do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
