Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dicks are not precious.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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