if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
