ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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