She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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