She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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