There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
