I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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