We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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