Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
