Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
