Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
